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Dealing with negative self talk

 Hi! It's August! I have been doing good. I have only one final assessment left then I can tweet done first year degree!! So based on my previous post you might assuming my youtube channel is growing hahahaha guess what, the determination is faded as soon as i uploaded the third video. Maybe because i think the content is quite boring. Nothing interesting in my life. Nothing extravagant. I'm living a plain life. See, this is sort of negative self talk right? idk

I wanna continue doing it but thinking of lesser audience day by day makes me feel discourage :( haih at first I was thinking I'm doing it to improve my editing skills but I can't deny that I love showing my unpretty face and talking about random things. LOL. People keep saying I'm confident actually I'm not. I will be like this for a few days and i will back to normal soon so don't worry much, I'll be okay :)

Something to ponder... recently, someone I know is gone forever. He was younger than me and that devastating news really makes me speechless. Death is expected but the timing wasn't. I was afraid thinking am I ready if my time comes? I have a lot of things I want to reach, I have goals although they wasn't so specific. I still want to learn many things, I still want to explore the world although travelling is never my main dreams, I still want to make videos T_____T

Because life is short, like very very short which makes me thinking back my decision to "retire" completely from youtube. Haih, I don't know. I'm stuck between these. Plus, I am also insecure with someone who is very fluent in English and have pretty face huhuhuhu. I don't have both so why would i continue, right? Ugh this is frustrating! Let's just wait and see.

Till here only, I'm sorry this post will not gonna have any pictures to make this post interesting because i couldn't think of any suitable picture. See you next month, In Shaa Allah :)

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